Too Much of a Good Thing? What Energizes You Can Also Deplete You

You’ve likely heard and maybe even participated in the debate of whether one can have too much of a good thing.

Photo by author at Brooklyn Putting Green

Here I’m thinking in particular about love and sex addiction. Some people debate whether these can truly count as addictions. I’d argue that while co-dependency and unhealthy relationships with and approaches toward sex and dating can truly be problematic, we as humans also need social and physical connection. Connections, really. But the healthiness of those connections and our approach to those connections also hinge on how healthy our relationship with ourselves is.

Yes, there can be too much of a good thing. But context matters. Intentions matter. If you have an unhealed relationship with yourself — and we are all in various stages of healing; it will always be a dynamic process — that level of connection with or disconnection from self will carry over to your intimate and romantic relationships.

Sex and relationships can be both energizing and depleting. Part of this is the paradox of life, but it also speaks to the toxicity of living in an individualist culture. When people feel more supported in community, where early childhood support is more embedded in the social structure, when people’s health…